Sometimes we find joy in the tiniest things; a flower in the park, the giggle of a child in the street, the snuggle of the dog. But sometimes we need to be kind to ourselves, to say it is ok to have a moment of joy. Not in ways that might hurt others, but in those moments where we subconsciously chose not to do something. When that something may be out of character or atypical for society, we deny ourselves those moments of joy.
I have a stim that really calms me and I used to not do it, because I worried other people might judge me. As a result my tics would get worse and I would feel so much more stressed.
With just a little bit of kindness to myself, I let myself rub my thumb and fingers over each other, slow and fast, gentle and firm. A tiny burst of joy counteracts all the other emotions and calm descends.
I am going to be kinder to myself. It is ok to have moments of joy. To share them. To create them. To gift them to myself or others.
I am not perfect. I am not always kind to myself or others but I do try. But that effort has always been outward focused. This has been a hard week. And several people have told me I need to be kinder to myself. I have heard and they were right.
Thanks. Arohanui to all those struggling at the moment.